Does your mother own that one saree that you’ve never seen draped on her, but she refuses to let go of it? Or seen a timeless watch that has been stuck in time for aeons, but your father would neither repair, nor cremate it? That saree, the watch, or anything that’s been in your house longer than you have, represent memories, blessings, and the legacy that your grandparents, or their parents, or even their ancestors left behind.
These collectives may have no material value, but your parents may trade the world for them. They’ve preserved a part of the bygones that they want to bestow upon the future generations. It’s all an attempt for the memories to not to be swept off the face of earth; to keep their legacy alive.
Along with the respect for our legacy, what has also persisted in our families is the generation gap, which I believe keeps expanding due to the communication gap. There’s an undocumented code of conduct that permits certain discussions while others are the elephants in the room, that age poorly but never die.
One of the taboo topics that never comes up as a dinner table conversation is death.
We’re aware of its certainty, but would rather suffer in denial than talk about the fear that it evokes. The nearer our parents are to their retirement age, the more we worry about their well-being; and so do they about ours.
Some of our parents would rather suffer an ailment in silence than ask us to book a health check-up appointment. As for us, we’d rather take a mean tone with our parents when they’re careless about their health than lovingly tell them that we care. So, you see, the old habits that should’ve been buried long ago form a part of the legacy we care to preserve.
Not acknowledging the certainty of death keeps us from preparing for the uncertainty of life. The two-year pandemic was a harsh reminder of how fragile life is. While some of us learnt our lessons and began living in the moment, most of us fail to gauge the pace at which moments are passing us by.
Pardon me for being morbid, but if tomorrow didn’t happen, are you prepared for it today? Have you expressed your love to the ones you can’t spend enough time with because you’re building a ‘future’? Did you bury the hatchets that kept bruising your peace of mind? Is your family prepared to cope with the emotional and financial loss that your demise may cause? What seems like a daunting hypothesis now has been a nightmarish reality for many unfortunate ones.
One of my friends lost her father during the pandemic. She wasn’t around when he was breathing his last. To date, she’s ready to give up everything to listen to a few words from him. The fact that her father may have had some last wish that she doesn’t know of is a regret she’s been living with.
I realised, being unprepared for death may lead to a miserable life. That’s no way to live! This isn’t one of the epiphanies that kept me awake one night and became a lost cause as soon as I scrolled my phone the next morning. I started thinking of ways in which we could give better closures to the ones we love. Several dos, don’ts, bad ideas, too good to be true ideas, harsh realities, and technical knowhow culminated into MyySafe.
If you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one, you’d know the void that nothing can fill and none can replace. You reminisce about the moments you rejoiced together and regret each time you couldn’t treat them well. Could you bear to think that they may have had something they wanted to talk about – a dream that never saw the light of the day, a confession they never had the courage to make, a wish they’d love for you to fulfil – none of which you know?
I understand how heavy not knowing what their last thoughts were could weigh on someone. My suggestion to readers across demographics is to record a video that could be used to express the love which was always felt but never spoken of, a wish they’d like to be manifested, or maybe a song they’d like to dedicate as a tribute to life. This video would testify to the love, memories, and the time you shared, before one of you ran out of it. After all, losing who you love doesn’t stop you from loving who you lose, does it?
Hindi movies are infamous for standing tall and proud on nepotism and exaggerated premises. But, they gave us some timeless InnSights, one of which is to document all your possessions, assign them fairly to your loved ones, and entrust your documents to a loved one. You may do everything to avoid conflicts in your presence, but you also should be able to prevent conflicts in your absence. I, like most of you, would avoid difficult conversations thinking “Jab hoga tab dekh lenge”. I mended my ways when life taught me what loss is. One lives well when there aren’t regrets weighing them down. If you’ve been left a legacy of memories, love, and treasures that would sustain generations, preserve it with MyySafe